Why We Fear Disappointment: A Therapist's Perspective
I know a lot of people will relate to this. Growing up, I HATED hearing my parents say, "I'm disappointed in you." I would have rather had just about any punishment than hear those words. I could not tolerate them being disappointed.
After several sessions with clients recently where this topic came up, I got to thinking… Why are we SO uncomfortable with other people’s disappointment?
Let’s explore this a bit. Imagine you’re a young adult woman, balancing work, friendships, family expectations, and maybe even your own budding family. You’re invited to a friend’s party, but you’re exhausted. You know you need a night in, but the thought of your friend’s disappointment nags at you. So, you go to the party, and what happens? You’re there physically but mentally checked out, and both you and your friend miss out on a genuine connection.
Or picture this: you’ve just started a new job, and you’re finally saving up some money. But then your mom expects you to travel home for the holidays. You know it’s not feasible, but the idea of her disappointment makes you question your decision. So, you stretch yourself thin, financially and emotionally, to make it work.
Here’s a radical idea: what if we let people be disappointed? What if we acknowledged their feelings without making them the center of our decision-making process? This doesn’t mean we become insensitive or uncaring. It means we recognize that everyone is entitled to their emotions. Disappointment is a part of life, and it’s a feeling that, like all others, will pass.
When we allow ourselves to set boundaries and make choices that align with our values and needs, we’re not being selfish. We’re being authentic. And authenticity fosters deeper, more meaningful connections.
So next time you find yourself about to make a decision based on the fear of disappointing someone, take a moment. Ask yourself if this choice aligns with your values and needs. If it does, stand firm in it. Let them be disappointed. It’s not the end of the world. In fact, it’s a step towards healthier relationships and a more balanced you.
Remember, other people’s disappointment does not mean you are doing the ‘wrong’ thing. It means you’re living your truth. And that, my friends, is always the right thing.
Warmly,
Annalise
Located in Salt Lake City, Utah, and seeking mental health services? Let’s connect!
Disclaimer
The information provided on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. While I strive to share insights and information related to various aspects of psychology, mental health, and therapy, it is important to note that the content available here does not constitute professional psychological advice or therapy.
Please understand that reading and interacting with the content on this blog does not establish a therapist-client relationship. Each individual’s circumstances are unique, and the information provided here cannot substitute for personalized advice from a qualified mental health professional.
If you are seeking mental health support, I strongly encourage you to consult with a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. Professional therapy involves a dedicated process tailored to your individual needs, which cannot be adequately provided through a blog or online content.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer, or company. Additionally, due to the evolving nature of the field of psychology and mental health, the content on this blog should not be considered exhaustive or up-to-date.
Remember, taking care of your mental health is important, and seeking professional help when needed is a wise and courageous step. If you have any specific concerns or questions regarding your mental health or treatment, please consult with a mental health professional.