You Are Not Broken—And Neither Am I

When I was a baby therapist in grad school, one of the first lessons drilled into me was this: if you're trying to "fix" your clients, you're missing the mark. At the time, I nodded along, internalizing the message that it's not our job as therapists to "fix" our clients. But, like many things in life, understanding something intellectually is one thing; truly grasping it in practice is another.

As I’ve grown as a therapist and worked with more clients, I've gained a deeper understanding of the therapeutic process. I began to notice a pattern within myself. When I felt a strong urge to "fix" a client’s problems, it wasn’t just a noble desire to help—it was often a sign that I was trying to escape the uncomfortable feelings arising in the room. I realized that when I tried to "fix" things, it led to a disconnect between my clients and me. Instead of fostering connection, it created distance.

Now, I often say to my clients, "There is nothing to fix because you are not broken." If there’s one thing I hope my clients take away from therapy, it’s the understanding that they are whole, just as they are.

But recently, I had a lightbulb moment. (It only took me a decade as a therapist to realize this!) I turned this concept on myself. I realized that when I’m trying to "fix" myself, I’m doing the same thing—disconnecting from myself. Just like with my clients, this urge to fix is often a way to avoid the uncomfortable emotions that are part of the human experience.

So now, I’m learning to sit with those uncomfortable feelings, to accept them as part of me, without rushing to change or "fix" anything. It’s a journey, and I’m still on it.

What about you? Have you noticed times when you’ve tried to "fix" yourself or others? What might happen if you allowed yourself to sit with those uncomfortable feelings instead of trying to change them? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

-- Annalise

Located in Salt Lake City, Utah, and seeking mental health services? Let’s connect!

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Disclaimer

The information provided on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. While I strive to share insights and information related to various aspects of psychology, mental health, and therapy, it is important to note that the content available here does not constitute professional psychological advice or therapy.

Please understand that reading and interacting with the content on this blog does not establish a therapist-client relationship. Each individual’s circumstances are unique, and the information provided here cannot substitute for personalized advice from a qualified mental health professional.

If you are seeking mental health support, I strongly encourage you to consult with a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. Professional therapy involves a dedicated process tailored to your individual needs, which cannot be adequately provided through a blog or online content.

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Remember, taking care of your mental health is important, and seeking professional help when needed is a wise and courageous step. If you have any specific concerns or questions regarding your mental health or treatment, please consult with a mental health professional.