Why 'Should' Might Be Undermining Your Mental Health—And What To Do About It
Hey there! Has anyone ever said to you “Stop shoulding on yourself?”
If you’ve never been to therapy…maybe not. It is a classic cheesy therapist cliche… but things become overused cliches for a reason right?
The word ‘should’ seems innocuous enough, but it often serves as a subtle signal that we’re living life on someone else’s terms rather than our own. Let’s dive into why paying attention to this seemingly harmless word can have a profound impact on our mental health and sense of self.
The Weight of 'Should'
"Should" often implies obligation and duty, not choice or desire. It can be a sign that we're prioritizing external expectations—societal norms, familial duties, or perceived professional requirements—above our own genuine needs and wants. This mismatch can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, stress, and even resentment.
The Red Flag to Watch
In my practice, I often challenge clients to track how frequently they think or say "should" throughout their day. This exercise isn't just about word count—it's about uncovering hidden pressures and reevaluating priorities. "Should" acts as a red flag, alerting us to areas of our life where we may be conceding our autonomy.
From 'Should' to 'Want'
Recognizing our "shoulds" is the first step. The next, more empowering step is to actively replace them with "wants." This shift not only lightens our emotional load but also aligns our actions more closely with our personal values and aspirations. Here’s how you can start making this shift:
Identify and Acknowledge: Notice when and why you use "should" in your thoughts or speech. Is it because of personal desire or external pressure
Question and Clarify: Ask yourself, "Is this something I truly want?" If not, explore what you really desire instead.
Reframe Your Thoughts: Start transforming your "shoulds" into "wants." Instead of "I should work late tonight," consider "I want to complete this project because it's important to me."
Set Authentic Goals: Use your insights to set goals that reflect your true desires, not what you feel obligated to achieve.
The Benefits of Tuning In
By becoming more aware of how often we say "should," we learn to tune into our authentic selves. This practice helps us make decisions that are more in tune with who we are and what we genuinely want. The result? A more authentic life and improved mental well-being.
Letting Go of 'Should'
What "should" are you holding onto that doesn't serve your genuine interests? Maybe it's a career path you feel pressured to pursue, a relationship dynamic that drains you, or a lifestyle that doesn't fit your true self. Whatever it is, consider this an invitation to let it go and embrace what you truly want.
To bring it on home, while "should" might seem like just another word, it's a powerful indicator of where we might be giving up our power and authenticity. Let this be a red flag we stay on the lookout for so we can reclaim our mental space and lead lives that feel more fulfilling and aligned with our true selves.
Warmly,
Annalise
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Located in Salt Lake City, Utah, and seeking mental health services? Let’s connect!
Disclaimer
The information provided on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. While I strive to share insights and information related to various aspects of psychology, mental health, and therapy, it is important to note that the content available here does not constitute professional psychological advice or therapy.
Please understand that reading and interacting with the content on this blog does not establish a therapist-client relationship. Each individual’s circumstances are unique, and the information provided here cannot substitute for personalized advice from a qualified mental health professional.
If you are seeking mental health support, I strongly encourage you to consult with a licensed therapist or healthcare provider. Professional therapy involves a dedicated process tailored to your individual needs, which cannot be adequately provided through a blog or online content.
The views and opinions expressed on this blog are my own and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer, or company. Additionally, due to the evolving nature of the field of psychology and mental health, the content on this blog should not be considered exhaustive or up-to-date.
Remember, taking care of your mental health is important, and seeking professional help when needed is a wise and courageous step. If you have any specific concerns or questions regarding your mental health or treatment, please consult with a mental health professional.