How to Teach Emotional Intelligence to Children

Let’s get one thing straight: kids are emotional sponges. They soak up everything around them—your stress about that thing you forgot at work, the way you celebrate a win, or even how you handle traffic when someone cuts you off (yeah, they’re watching you). And yet, teaching emotional intelligence to kids isn’t about getting it all perfect. It’s about modeling the messy, real-life process of navigating emotions.

So, if you’re wondering where to start, here’s a crash course on raising emotionally intelligent humans who can actually name their feelings instead of throwing spaghetti at the wall when they’re upset.

1. Start With Your Own Emotional Intelligence

Spoiler alert: Teaching emotional intelligence to kids starts with you. If your go-to stress relief is slamming cabinet doors, your child will assume that’s the way to handle frustration. (No shame—we’ve all been there.)

Here’s the deal:

• Practice naming your own feelings out loud. Try something like, “I’m feeling frustrated because I can’t find my keys,” instead of muttering, “Where the f*** are my keys?!” in a tone that suggests you’re ready to burn down the house.

• Show them it’s okay to have bad days. “I feel sad today. It’s not your fault, but I think I need some extra rest and cuddles.” This teaches them that emotions are normal, not scary.

2. Teach Them the Emotional ABCs

You wouldn’t expect a kid to know how to read without teaching them the alphabet, right? The same goes for emotions. Kids need a basic vocabulary to describe what they’re feeling.

Here’s a cheat sheet:

• Start simple: happy, sad, mad, scared.

• As they grow, add words like frustrated, embarrassed, disappointed, or proud.

• Use visuals! A feelings chart with faces can help younger kids connect words to their experiences.

Pro Tip: Don’t just label emotions when things go south. Celebrate positive emotions, too. “You’re so excited about this new book! I can see how happy it makes you!”

3. Normalize All Emotions

Here’s a parenting truth bomb: Kids don’t need to “fix” their feelings, and neither do you.

When they’re upset, instead of saying, “Stop crying, it’s not a big deal,” try:

• “It’s okay to feel sad. Let’s sit with this for a minute.”

• “I see you’re angry. Your feelings are important, and I’m here to help.”

By making space for all emotions (yes, even the ones that involve screaming on the floor at Target), you’re teaching them that it’s safe to feel.

4. Use Stories to Build Empathy

Stories are emotional playgrounds for kids. Whether it’s books, movies, or even made-up tales, they provide a safe way for children to explore different emotions and perspectives.

• Books to try: The Way I Feel by Janan Cain or Have You Filled a Bucket Today? by Carol McCloud.

• Talk about the characters: “How do you think the bunny felt when he lost his toy? What would you do if you were in that story?”

This helps them connect emotions to real-life situations and strengthens their empathy muscles.

5. Teach Problem-Solving Skills

Emotions are messy, but they’re also a guide. Teach your kids how to use their feelings to figure out what they need.

Here’s how:

• When they’re upset, ask questions like, “What do you think we can do to make this better?”

• Offer choices: “Do you want to take some deep breaths, or should we go for a walk together?”

• Celebrate their solutions, even if they’re small. (“You told your friend you were upset? That’s so brave!”)

This helps kids learn they have the tools to manage their emotions without always relying on you to swoop in.

6. Model Apologies and Repair

Let’s get real—no one handles every emotional moment perfectly, including you. But here’s the beauty of it: kids learn just as much from your repair work as they do from your best parenting days.

If you lose your cool, say:

• “I’m sorry I yelled earlier. I was feeling frustrated, but that’s not your fault. I’m working on handling my big feelings better.”

This teaches them that making mistakes is human and that repairing relationships is part of emotional intelligence.

7. Make It Fun

Teaching emotional intelligence doesn’t have to be a chore. Turn it into a game:

• Play “Feelings Charades” where you act out emotions for them to guess.

• Try a bedtime “emotion check-in.” Ask, “What was the happiest part of your day? What was the hardest?”

These little moments add up and make emotional learning feel like a natural part of life.

Final Thoughts

Teaching emotional intelligence to kids isn’t about raising perfect little Zen monks who never have meltdowns. It’s about helping them understand their feelings, trust themselves, and navigate the big, messy world of emotions.

And honestly? It’s not just for them. The more you help your child grow emotionally, the more you’ll find yourself learning, too.

So next time your kid has a meltdown, take a deep breath and remember: you’re planting seeds that will grow into lifelong emotional resilience.

Tf you’re noticing that your child is struggling with big feelings or needs extra support to manage their emotions, therapy can be a game-changer. Sometimes, an outside perspective helps both kids and parents navigate these challenges together.

If you’re located in Utah and feel like your kiddo could benefit from working with a therapist, we would love to help. Schedule a consultation today to learn how we can support your child in building emotional intelligence, confidence, and resilience.

Let’s work together to make emotions a little less overwhelming and a lot more manageable.

Disclaimer:
This blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. If you have concerns about your child’s emotional well-being, please consult with a licensed therapist or medical professional. Therapy services mentioned are only available to residents of Utah.